Unanswered Questions

It has been over two months since I lost my beloved granddaughter  Aabi: Naani's little jaan. Visiting Perth Children's Hospital today for some work, engulfed me with the sense that here Aabi was last.

As I entered the hospital, an overwhelming fear gripped me, making every cell in my body tremble with the dread that something profoundly painful had happened to us—something I could hardly bear. It felt as if I was being thrust into a deep, dark abyss where everything felt unreal. I wanted to scream, "No, no, no!" but it was as if I was trapped in a nightmare, unable to voice my anguish.

Sitting in the meeting room with a team of doctors, nurses, and counselors, the air was thick with grief and sadness. We grappled with the most challenging questions: What happened? When did it occur? Why did it happen? Was there anything that could have been done to save Aabi? They explained everything in detail, yet they appeared more helpless than we were. Their extensive experience seemed futile as this tragedy unfolded so swiftly and inevitably. My mind felt numb, and a part of me clung to the hope that Aabi was just upstairs in a ward, and we were discussing ways to bring her back to health. I longed to run to her, to embrace her, and to bring her home to heal.

In this moment of profound loss, we found that there were no answers to the questions swirling in our minds. With Aabi gone, it seemed there should be no questions left—only acceptance that this was our reality. No matter how hard we pressed our heads against the wall of grief, there would come a time when the numbness would set in, making it difficult to ask questions to anyone, including ourselves.

Acceptance would become our path forward, allowing us to gain the strength to navigate away from this harsh reality. I seek comfort in feeling Aabi's presence in the gentle breeze, in every raindrop that falls, and in the sight of birds in our courtyard. Even on the gloomiest days, I know we are together, just in a different way. I see her in the tall trees, the moon, and the stars. I feel her with every breath I take, in every sunflower that blooms, and maybe will be able to have her in every smile that would grace my face.

I will love you until the moon and stars cease to twinkle, my sweet Aabi. ❤️