Beliefs After Child Loss

Understanding Faith and Belief: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Faith and belief are the vital elements that shape our experiences and personal growth empowering us to embrace the idea that life is inherently favorable, encouraging us to trust that even our struggles serve as valuable lessons. But, is it always so?

Understanding Divine Guidance

Haven't the God(s) been telling us through time and history that they are always there to look after us and to put us on the righteous path? I have been a strong believer in the one energy, the one compassionate creator who is ever caring, ever giving, forgiving, loving, and merciful. This belief inspires me to appreciate every moment of life, especially as a parent.

The Blessing of Motherhood

As a mother, I am profoundly grateful for my family, particularly my two daughters. The opportunity to be their mother is something I would trade anything for without hesitation. This deep sense of gratitude fostered immense faith within me, and an unspoken yet unwavering belief that this is forever. I hold a belief that our bond is eternal. Not that I would sit and question this, expecting forever as an answer, but a solid, not needed to be mentioned belief that this is what is and will be. I, a mother of two daughters, our family of four, and a sense of completeness and finality.

Facing Parental Fears & Finding Comfort in Faith

Had I ever questioned this belief? Yes! What if something were to happen to me? What would become of my daughters? Who would raise them with the same love and discipline that I strive to provide? Would they still feel the same carefree joy they experience now? These thoughts can be overwhelming, and I am certain that every parent has similar worries that cross their minds. The answers were and still are so hazy. The thoughts almost come and go now and then, again, handled by our belief and our faith in favor of life's goodness and a loving universe. This faith provides me with the strength to embrace motherhood fully, knowing that love, guidance, and support are always present..

Facing the Unimaginable: The Loss of Our Daughter

What happened to our family shook us to the core. Losing our little Aabi, our 2.8-year-old daughter, turned our world upside down. In the wake of her passing, my everyday thoughts felt like a joke, trivial and insignificant. We found ourselves questioning the very ground we stood on, grappling with a reality we never anticipated.

When I took her to the hospital, and for the little while she was being attended to by the emergency and ICU teams, never once did the thought of her being in her final moments cross my mind. I was aware that she was deteriorating, but the worst thought or realisation that landed was that she would have to be hospitalised for a long treatment or something. She might need experts to attend to her after the diagnostic results come out. An unconscious belief gripped my mind so strongly that I was unable to foresee what otherwise could unfold.

The Unthinkable Reality

The probability of losing your child almost never crosses your mind, even in the worst, darkest dreams and scenarios, you question your life span and your duration of presence in your children's life, but never does the thought of losing them ever come to play. It is even a thought so scary, a dream so horrific, that faith plays rather mischievously in keeping it at bay. Our belief systems wield immense power that tricks the mind into never imagining or considering the possibility of a reality so brutal. A reality that one does face in their most low and unfortunate moments.

Faith and Belief After Losing your Child

Where does belief and faith stand after experiencing such a profound tragedy? For the past 4 plus months after Aabi's loss, I have been reading extensively on the concept of death, in all possible virtues that might be. Fighting my mind, which never played this horrible reality in any of my weirdest imaginations or dreams, I have been questioning life in all aspects. I not only replay those horrendous moments, but I also keep revisiting my thoughts in those very moments when life was cheating and defeating us. I believe in God, as a creator, an energy that drives life, that drives this world, the universe, galaxy, and beyond. I honor prophets, saints, forms of God, across beliefs. Throughout my student and professional journey I have explored what motivates different belief systems and how they converge at the pinnacle of a shared message, that life is a precious gift, and we must make the most of the time we are given.

Different concepts of the way each of us gets to live our life merely try to reiterate the significance of this gift - life. Confusing people with the concept of destiny, fate, karma, many lives, soul, and even afterlife in some cases, the beliefs have controlled the human mind since ever. But it is when we lose a part of ourselves, our child most importantly, does the belief lose ground and stand nowhere. None of these can explain why one loses their baby.

So many beliefs and different theories only lead you to countless uncertainties. Amid these uncertainties lies one undeniable truth, one fact, the end of that life. The end of a future, the end of a family, the end of all hopes and all sense of love the creator of this existence has for all of us. This is where the mind lands you in the face of reality. No faith, no belief, no power in the world exists that can undo this damage. And how I wish there was such a power that would take care of us, that would melt with my cries, that would consider trading my child's life with mine. But there isn't. There just isn't an energy strong enough to correct this mishap. There is no form, no energy, no light, no prophet, no saint, and absolutely no God to help you with what just happened. None of these is able to show you where they go, where they are, or what lies ahead. Instead, the world around you gathers the power to console you with the thought that this was destined, this is what was written, and this is how much she had to live. But, where were these thoughts, this understanding of facts, and this reality check before? Why did no one see this coming? How could anyone, knowing all of it now did not warm me? Or is everybody blanketed into safe positive thoughts just like I was?

I don't think any belief or any faith has a reason strong enough.

It feels comforting to think my child is in a good place, is comfortable, and is able to see me and be with me, still, just in a different sense and form. But it also gives me immense discomfort that she gets to only feel all of it, yet cannot come running into my arms. And that she has to make efforts to send me signs that she is around, that she loves me. It pains me not to have her, and that I have to console my mind with the thought that she will never leave. Of course, she cannot leave me. She is my baby, I made her, her essence resides in me, but that is true for all mothers forever, no matter in what form or place their children are. That is not a thought I should have to be consoled with. That is a fact. Not a belief. Does anyone have any facts at all? I am afraid not. I wish they did. But no.

The collapse of beliefs and faith often coincides with the harsh reality that my daughters are no longer together in front of my eyes. I have the privilege of raising one daughter while only holding onto the essence of the other. I can buy dresses and shoes for one, while the other is honored with flowers and picture frames. One daughter must carry her little sister in her heart and gather this courage, strength, and the understanding of an emotion so complex, so difficult, and so very painful. And this reality hits hard. It stands lonely, it stands unsupported, naked, shameless, yet bold. There is no respite, there is no belief, just plain facts, that the world continues to revolve around the mighty sun. Days turn into nights and then days again. Seasons change, rivers flow, oceans roar, all of this permanent, yet life, so temporary.

The one's who go, just go. They don't go on, their essence does, through us, those who held them. As beautiful as this sounds, it is one of the most painful feelings ever to be experienced. To carry their essence without them. To hold on to them but not have them. To believe it was all they had, against all they could have in your present. I can just hope some God has mercy on humankind and has a remedy for this pain. Till then, it is through a mother's shattered heart that the beliefs flow and scatter afar.

Formulating new beliefs or seeing the reality clearer than ever, are all questions that now remain.

For all those living this pain, and for those witnessing their loved one's living through this pain, the essence of those who are taken from us is the life remaining in us. It is pure love, and pure pain. We endure it because we love them, forever. Love must keep flowing to them so that their essence helps us thrive in the journey - life. Dedicate your life and your time to them, seeing life more clearly now, without the cushion of theories, beliefs, and faith, only reality, facts, only love.