Feeling and Living the Loss

Understanding the Pain of Loss

Every day after our dear loved one has left us, we are confronted with profound questions. What does this life mean? What does this event of loss signify for us? What are we supposed to do moving forward?

Finding Words in the Silence

How do we write when nothing around us makes sense? No one should ever have to gather thoughts for their baby or loved one without a way to convey them. The state of mind filled with millions of unanswered questions is indescribable.

The Weight of Absence

Should a mother have to endure the absence of her baby? How are parents and siblings supposed to comprehend this reality? What good can possibly come from such a situation? What wrong have they done to receive this? All of these and zillion more are endless and the answers elusive.

Seeking Spiritual Understanding

For all of those like us, who are God loving, will ask that almighty about the purpose of such a tragedy. But do we ever get somewhere? We try and seek deeper meanings. Try and touch spirituality in new ways. All of this just to settle the mind every day. Each morning rises with a sorrow and each day sets with a sense of doom. The feeling is indescribable. The void left by a small child is unimaginably massive.

Living with Loss

Processing the reality of loss is one challenge, but feeling and living with that loss every single moment is a different story and something that is here to stay. the LOSS!

What does it mean to not look, feel, or hear the very person who occupies all of your moments, thoughts, plans, and space? Why does everything that was beautiful and everything you were thankful for, seems ugly? Everything that once brought joy can become a trigger that weakens you to the core. This kind of loss is something I would never wish upon anyone. An out-of-order loss breaks you in ways you never knew you could break.

Daily Struggles with Grief

Anyone experiencing this type of loss can relate to how burdened each day feels. The numbness, silence, and emptiness sting and hurt deeply. Life becomes a series of reminders of what is no longer there: no more bath-times, no more dressing up, no more singing and dancing around, no loud music while driving, no screaming to settle small fights between the siblings, no morning cuddles, no night tucks, no little platter preps, no messy toys, no kisses, no book reading, no shopping, no play zones, no parks, no birthday parties, no cakes, no planning whatsoever, and nothing endlessly. Instead, there are framed pictures, decorating flowers in front of them, putting up a new toy at the grave site, cleaning the plaque, wiping pictures, dusting around memory shelves, watching the limited videos and photos, listening to saved audio messages, driving silently to the cemetry, figuring out what to be done on birthdays, milestone days, annual days, visitng places quietly, cooking in silence, numbing the brain with television. Life begins unlearning and then learning.

Questioning Faith and Purpose

In the midst of this pain, you may question whether this is a punishment or if it was meant to be. Perhaps the little one was never mine to keep. The bleakness of faith keeps you questioning, and For that bleak faith in God will keep you questioning. You will forever look at the sky and beg for forgiveness for all you think might have been the reason, and seek that your baby is happy wherever they are. You crave to believe in the soul, try and understand the connections, beg again to have them back in some form. You do all that your mind never would have in normal circumstances.

Finding Connection in Shared Grief

Questioning and believing in faith will continue to shuffle in your mind. New beliefs will form. There is comfort in connecting with others who share this pain. The strangest of feelings is being able to understand someone's pain and loss for real. Throughout our lives, we try to support others in their grief, but we realise how much we never ever understood it for real. Not that we didn't want to, or that we were unaffected, but because we simply and naturally couldn't.

Moving Forward for Those Still Here

When feeling pain and living with loss is the only reality, I look at my elder child and strive to move forward. Although it feels mechanical at times, it’s essential to believe that you can see the bigger picture. You recognize that your elder child must not bear the weight of your grief and that their life still holds promise ahead. I have to prepare their life just like I would have done for two.

Embracing Hope

You are not allowed to live without hope. It’s crucial to clear your vision and try to look towards the future for which you are still responsible. You must navigate around triggers, hold the hand that seeks yours, and guide it forward.

Continuing the Journey

Every day, you must go on until you reach the place where your little loved one awaits.